[This week’s recipe is from one of the most fantastic bakers I’ve ever met. Juicy Jose has bestowed her wisdom upon us so we can all make fudge brownies from scratch. So dangerous]
Brownies are the meaning of true love. Everyone knows that. But not everyone knows how to make them the right way. This recipe is tried and true as the BEST homemade fudge brownie recipe. Don’t agree? I’LL FIGHT YOU!
Speaking of unnecessary anger, my mom used to make brownies for me in high school. When I came home, in a fit of hormonal rage (you know how high school is), I’d enter the house, slouching, slightly drooling, back pack still on, and sniff the chocolately air then BAM BAM STOMP CRASH my way to the kitchen. Sitting on the table would be a beautifully placed square pan filled with the ooey gooey fudgy hot sweet goodness that are brownies. I would pull up a chair, drop my pack, and go to freakin’ town. By the time I was 2-3 brownies in, my mom would then enter the room and ask about my day. She’s a genius, that woman.
Speaking of woman geniuses, this recipe is not from my mom but my good friend, Juicy Jose. She makes baking look easy as pie (thought you wouldn’t get a food pun in this, did you?). She can whip up cookies with the bat of an eye (hey, that rhymes). Juicy Jose has dutifully tested this brownie recipe. She has tinkered with the proportions to get it just right; brownies that are fudgy but not soupy, fluffy but not dry.
Juicy Jose tells us that brownies are good for all occasions such as weddings, parties, funerals, divorce, and entire meals. Her words of wisdom?
- Don’t over mix the wet and dry ingredients.
- Use a spoon to mix the wet and dry ingredients, not a whisk! When asked why a spoon is better, Juicy Jose commented, “because it is.”
- Don’t over bake it.
- If pressed for time, brownies can replace breakfast cereal.
Ready to quench fits of rage and bake yourself some perfect brownies? Stop daydreaming about your high school years and get going already!
Recipe for Juicy Jose’s Best Brownies Recipe
*Source: A torn out notebook page stuck to Juicy Jose’s kitchen fridge.
Servings: 1 hormonal teenager for 1 week OR 5-6 normal humans
Time: 45-50 minutes
Difficulty: Sinfully easy
- 1 cup butter, melted
- 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
- 1 cup white sugar
- 1 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
- 4 eggs
- 1 tablespoon vanilla
- 3/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 cup flour
- 1 cup Dutch processed cocoa
- 1 1/2 cup chocolate chips
- Buy the good stuff. Rule number one folks. Get Dutch-processed cocoa powder. People can taste the difference. Doesn’t matter what chocolate chips you buy.
- Get toasty. Heat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
- Whiskful thinking. Grab a large bowl and combine the melted butter, oil, and sugars with a whisk. Add the eggs and vanilla. Whisk again.
*Note: Try not to blow up the butter in the microwave. I did and had to apologize multiple times to Juicy Jose. As she taught me, heat the butter for 10 seconds at a time until it’s completely melted.
- Sift science. Grab a medium-sized bowl and sift together the flour, Dutch-processed cocoa powder, and salt.
- Ben Folds Five (times when making brownies). Gently fold the dry ingredients into the wet until just combined. This is when you use a spoon folks! No whisks needed here. Add the chocolate chips when all is evenly mixed.
- Bake break. Go find an 9 x 13 pan and grease with either spray or butter (whatever you’re used to). Add the brownie mixture and smooth until the surface is as level as it can be. You can use your hormonal rage to violently shake and hit the pan, so it’ll smooth itself out. Bake for 25-35 minutes for fudgy brownies.
- EAT ASAP. No reason to wait. Especially if it’s breakfast time.
Where in the World Is…Dutch-Processed Cocoa?
The baking aisle! It should be next to all of the flours, sugars, powders, etc. If you still can’t find it, look for hot chocolate stuff (it should be in the same aisle). You can always ask your friendly grocery store associate. Or just order on Amazon because who goes to a grocery store anymore?
Quick Clean Up
First of all, definitely eat that leftover brownie batter. Then, soak everything. I’m a lazy one and usually leave pans and bowls in the sink overnight since it’ll be easier to clean when nothing is crusty and stuck. Roommates might not appreciate that advice though, so tread lightly.
Extra! Extra! Read All About It!
A show about hormonal preteens? Big Mouth has it all.
Brownie chocolate chip cookie dough cake is a thing? Oh yes, yes it is.
Curious what else is Juicy Jose is up to? See very tiny ceramic creatures.