I’m Toast!

This week’s blog post focuses on the simplest of foods. The finest of snacks. The real bread and butter of cooking. That’s right folks, I’m talking about toast.

For someone who can stir up traditional matzah ball soup, steam red bean buns, and mix a mean Bloody Mary…why in the world am I still burning my toast?

It’s simple, really.

Toast is the most underrated food of the kitchen. It’s forever banished to the sidelines when breakfast is the main event. People “just pop it in the toaster” without even batting an eye.

And that’s just it! Everyone assumes that toast is the easiest thing to make and therefore neglects to put in the time and attention that every bundle of bread deserves. The other day, I threw a slice of sourdough into my toaster oven, cranked up the dial, and walked upstairs. I WALKED UPSTAIRS! I would never walk upstairs if I was baking cookies or broiling some chicken. Lo and behold, about five minutes later, I smelled smoke coming from the downstairs.

It was my toast.

Burnt Toast

Toast is precious to us and we don’t even realize it. We talk about toast all the time. Have you ever uttered the words, “you’re toast…” or perhaps “Toast! To the New Year!” or “Gosh, I sure am toasty in here” ? I bet you have.

But instead of thanking our toast, (for all the great phrases) we’re incredibly mean to it. We “throw” it, “toss” it, “grab” it, and “pop” it. Like a Bop-It…but for cooks.

So the next time you make a simple piece of toast, remember all that it has done for you. and try. try not to walk upstairs.

Recipe for TOAST

*source: common knowledge

Servings: 1

Time: 5 minutes? less?

Difficulty: Get some bread. Then you’re fed.


  • 1 slice of bread (I prefer sourdough)
  • *optional* a dollop of butter
  • *optional* and maybe some jam


  1. Thank your toast­­—profusely—for everything it does
  2. Place the slice of bread gently in a toaster or toaster oven
  3. Turn the dial to a medium or low setting

*Note: the more you use a toaster, the hotter it gets. Don’t make the same mistake I did and expect the second slice of bread to toast at the same temperature as the one before it. It. will. burn.

  1. Don’t walk upstairs
  2. When your toaster oven DINGS or your toast pops up, put it on a plate
  3. (These are a lot of steps for toast, right?)
  4. Eat it, Zok. Eat it, Zok. (this is a Farside reference, for all you fans out there)

Serving Suggestions

Sourdough toast with some butter. You really can’t beat it. You could also add raspberry jam if you’re being a fancy pants.

Quick Clean Up

So I burned the hell out of my toaster. Now what?

Rule #1: don’t use water. For all other rules, check out this really informative video by Howcast. You may even learn a fact about how toast was made…before toasters. (whoa).

Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

1972. That’s the first time “you’re toast” was used. Curious who said it?

Watch Bill Murray say “the chick is toast” over and over again. CLick.

Want to see some toasty chefs? You know you do.