Welcome to The Messy Cooker!

Dear Visitor, Welcome to The Messy Cooker! Here you’ll find original recipes, crazy concoctions, delicious new ingredients, discussions on the basics, and some really MESSY mistakes. People aren’t perfect, which means that cooking sure as hell isn’t either. That’s why you’ll find real pictures of very real attempts at making various dishes, whether they are…

The Wisconsin Diet

We don’t need a date on the calendar to tell us that summer has arrived. When you see those squiggly, blurry waves of heat rising off the sun-caked pavement, you know it’s here. In celebration of this season of warmth and the long hours of the sun, here’s a recipe that will keep you cool…

The Swashbuckler’s Delight

  It sure ain’t pretty, but it is intriguing. Today’s recipe was inspired in part by my unrelenting desire for lychees and my utmost fascination with pirates. It’s no surprise that the resulting concoction is none other than a rum-filled, mint savvy mojito with eccentric lychee ice cubes. *Note: The pirates fascination may or may…

Review of Thug Kitchen: Eat Your Fruits and Veggies

[This week’s blog post and recipe is written in the style of “Thug Kitchen”…except without the expletives] What’s up, batches? I’ve got another review for you motherfudgers. Thanks to my pal, CandyMaster, I was introduced to the hilarious creations from the Thug Kitchen cookbook: Eat Like You Give a F*ck. Some background: Thug Kitchen started…

Great-Grandma’s Hungarian Chicken Paprikash (and Nockerl) Recipe

“What? You don’t like the other pie?” Everyone at the table groaned. My great-grandma had made Steve all of his favorite dishes: stuffed veal, chicken paprikash, cucumber salad with vinegar dressing, lima bean soup, and cauliflower with bread crumbs. He was doing an admiral job; he had navigated each course like an air force pilot…

I’m Toast!

This week’s blog post focuses on the simplest of foods. The finest of snacks. The real bread and butter of cooking. That’s right folks, I’m talking about toast. For someone who can stir up traditional matzah ball soup, steam red bean buns, and mix a mean Bloody Mary…why in the world am I still burning…

Classic Matzah Ball Soup (*Vegetarian Option!*)

I would kill for a bagel right about now… It’s day 3 of Passover and the limited carb intake is already taking its toll. I dream of all things leavened—stacks of steaming hot pancakes, fluffy chocolate cake with layers of sugary frosting, warm flakey croissants—and Oh! How could I forget?—a simple yet substantial slice of…

*Guest Cooker* You Had Me At Challah

  [This week’s recipes and baking tips were provided by The Messy Cooker’s good friend, Impasharia. Before becoming a master at making challah, Impasharia began her career as a baker for Challah for Hunger, where she baked hundreds of types of challah. Chai tea. Jalapeno, Zatar. You name it.] While there haven’t been serious scientific…

Cast Iron Dreams

  [This blog post introduction is written in the style of a stage play] THE MESSY COOKER’S KITCHEN—NIGHTTIME THE MESSY COOKER runs out of the cramped kitchen, flailing her arms dramatically in the air. Smoke fills the house. THE MESSY COOKER Sorry! Sorry! I do this every time! SMOKE ALARM Beep. Beep. BEEP! BEEP!! THE…

Fire Rooster’s Sweet Red Bean Buns

[This post was one day late since The Messy Cooker caught whatever bug was going around. Sorry for the delay, everyone!] Feeling peckish? I’m sure you do. After all, it’s the Year of the Rooster. That’s right. We’re approaching poultry pun territory. This post is absolutely stuffed with them. If you haven’t already heard WAKE…

Let Me Mull It Over (Mulled Wine Recipe)

Are you cold? Is your house cold?

When it’s the middle of January, and you want this nightmare to end, but summer is half a year away, a warm beverage is certainly in order.